i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
