So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
