you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
