these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
