I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
