omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
