Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
