Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
