Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
