just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
