I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
