Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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