Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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