Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
