There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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