Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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