I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
