Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
