I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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