I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize