So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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