we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
