yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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