I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
