you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
