i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
