i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
