too bad you live with your parents still
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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