Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
