gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
