Plan B is the new Plan A
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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