So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Randomize
