College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You did what with his pubic hair?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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