Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
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Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
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bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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