summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
