Got a toothbrush?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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