I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
