You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
