why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
