3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
