So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
