When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
