Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
