Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
