Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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