The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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