Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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