i jhust puked up my retainher.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
