What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
