I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
