I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
