May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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