so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
