I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
