seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
