he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Go christen that room with your naked body.
my poor anus
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
