why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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