is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize