my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
