i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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