The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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