the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
