u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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