I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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