were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
