you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
