whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
