Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize