I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
